The Low Down on the Crabtree Saga

Michael Crabtree is an idiot.

BP

The Joe Montana Awards

It's a well known fact that the success of an NFL quarterback is directly related to his name. Well, maybe not entirely, but there is a common trend of awesome QB's with awesome names. The QB that I consider to have the all-time greatest QB name is hands down, Joe Montana. His name is perfect because A) simple, common first name B) cool, manly, and unusual last name. Not coincidentally, he had an extremely successful career. Hmmm...

Anyways, I've compiled lists of past and presents QBs that are up for the "Joe Montana Award: for great QB name"
Former QB's:
-Dan Marino: short, normal first name and a solid and unusual last name. Doesn't hurt that he's one of the greatest to play the game.
-Johnny Unitas: fits requirement. Also, possibly the greatest of all time and a grade A bad ass.
-Joe Namath: Again great QB and great name. Also, had lots of success with the ladies...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gc65NC44dSk

Current QB's:
-Joe Flacco: Up and coming QB and solid contender for the JMA
-Drew Brees: Manly first name to go with manly stats.
-Brett Favre: Mostly here just to irritate Brian

And now for what I call the "Cleo Lemon Award: for terrible QB name"...
-Cleo Lemon: Yes, he is up for his own award. Mostly because he sounds like he should be in a reggae band or a palm reader.
-Sage Rosenfels: First profession that comes to mind is accountant. Acutally, on the list of possible professions for this name NFL QB is about #1,567 right after adult film actor.
-Gibran Hamdan: First off I'm pretty sure thats not even a real name. Second, I doubt this guy's team even know who he is. And if they did I bet they would release him, because honestly, who can trust a guy named Gibran?

So that is all for now. Please vote on your favorite and feel free to add in your own ideas.

KC

KC's Top 20 Most Listened To

Ok so I stole this idea from an ESPN.com writer, but I thought it was a cool way to relive some of my old favorite songs. The songs were calculated by iTunes and I'm not sure if it's 100% accurate, but it's good enough for me. Let's begin from the bottom...

20. Amos Lee- Night Train : Awesome song. Very relaxing and coincidentally makes me want to ride on a train.

19. Kalai- On My Mind: Also Awesome and relaxing. This may be a recurring theme.

18. Griffin House- The Guy That Says Goodbye To You: Still like the song, but it's a little too girly for everyday listening.

17. Paddy Casey- Downtown: One of my favorites by him. It's very mellow and great for listening on a quiet night drive.

16. Jason Mraz- Make It Mine: Fun upbeat song, way better than the overplayed "I'm Yours."

15. Pat Green- Take Me Out to a Dance Hall: Not really sure how this particular Pat Green song made it on, still good though.

14. Matt Nathanson- Come On Get Higher: There are quite a few by Matt Nathanson coming up, which is the result of a lack of music I had at the time. Now I'm burnt out on him, but it's still quality pop.

13. Matt Nathanson- I Saw

12. Matt Nathanson- Laid: Great song to sing along to.

11. Jack Johnson- Talk Of the Town: Lesser known Jack song (I think?), definately one of my favorites of his.

10. Bleu Edmonson- $50 and a Flask of Crown: Great Texas country. Makes you want to paint the town red.

9. Ryan Adams- Firecracker: Awesome Harmonica in the song. Probably the song that got me into Ryan Adams.

8. Ray LaMontagne- Forever My Friend: Most people might not be too into Ray, but I love his old school, beat down sound. Very unique voice, which is perfect for listening to when you are trapped inside.

7. Aaron Watson- Reckless: The result of living with Jake Morrow for a year. It is now agitating to listen to, yet great memories associated with it. (I refuse to link this.)

6. Pat Green- Carry On: My all time favorite of his.

5. Matt Nathanson- Sooner Surrender

4. Ben Folds ft. Regina Spektor- You Don't Know Me: Very addicting song and all-around fun.

3. Matt Nathanson- To the Beat of Our Noisy Heart (acoustic): My favorite of his, but only the acoustic version.

2. Brett Dennen- Blessed: GREAT song. I'm still not tired of it. It's song that got me into Brett Dennen and I dare you to listen to it and not dance.

1. Roger Creager- Things Look Good Around Here: Quality Texas country and also the result of living with Jake Morrow.

So that's it. Feel free to comment to make fun of me or compliment me on my awesome taste in music.

KC

If the Shoe Fits...

Sorry for the hiatus loyal readers, but I am back (for now.) After enduring a very uneventful and boring summer, my brain powers have been focused on trying to find something fun to do in between work(and more recently school) leaving little room for thinking up blog posts. Also, these posts are somewhere in between watching reruns on T.V. and staring at the wall on my priorities. Anyways, excuses aside, let us begin.

While growing up a very shy child, I managed to pick up some very unique skills along the way. For example: skillfully avoiding eye contact while walking through halls, maneuvering out of conversations through strategic one word answers, and the ability to make excuses for just about anything. But, one skill that is a little less helpful, is the ability to judge someone by looking at their shoes. Instead of trying to explain how this is accomplished, I will just show you.

Exhibit A:

Now to untrained eye these look like any old tennis shoes. Well that is incorrect. These are clearly baseball training shoes and if you continue to look up, you will probably be greeted by a pair of these...
















moving along...


Exhibit B:











Scoop of vanilla, scoop of chocolate don't waste my time. These obviously belong to somebody in college. Most usually belong to frat boys or just about all college attending girls.

Exhibit C:













Street walker

Exhibit D:











Now this one is tricky. These could belong to a nurse, murse (male nurse), any kind of doctor, grandma, summer camp counselor, or just a generally goofy person. Due to the color I'm going to say these bad boys belong to a particularly upbeat nurse.

Alright so this feels like enough writing for me. If you have any complaints with my conclusions or would like to offer any other examples feel free to comment and if you're lucky it won't take us 3 months to write another post.

KC

A Commentary on the Children's Book Twilight

So, you are a fan of Twilight? The books, the movies, the action figures, you eat it all up. Have you ever stopped to ask yourself why? You know, why am I reading a book about teenage vampires? Why am I waiting in line at midnight to see the premiere of a movie that received 2 stars across the board? Why am I marking on my calendar the date of the next movie installment in the series? If you answer, "because I am a 13 year old girl" then carry on, enjoy the ride, enjoy the read. BUT, if you are my unnamed friend, then please, think long and hard about the path your life is taking. I mean come on! A soap opera about vampires...really? Just go watch One Tree Hill instead. It has all the teenage angst and drama without the vampires. Oh and without the homosexual vibe. Actually scratch that...Don't watch that either. Yeah, vampires can be cool. Vampire movies can be pretty awesome. But not when the plot resembles "The Notebook". Go see "Let the Right One In", THAT is a great vampire movie.

So now I have insulted you. Don't be mad. This is merely one person's humble opinion. I know, I know. What are you going to do about the "Twilight" shirt you just bought at Target? Well yeah, that is a difficult decision. Assuming you are not 13 years old, you should probably stop wearing it. It isn't dark and edgy, it isn't relative pop culture, it is a giant "Hey, I would like for you to talk sh** about me behind my back" sign.

It is okay to enjoy the books and the movies. That is fine. But don't let yourself be sucked into believing you are part of a literary revolution, a witness to the dawn of the next great fantasy series.

Sorry for hating.

BP

The Future, According to Terminator

1) Christian Bale will be our only hope. He will talk like a chain smoker, he will shout like a raging alcoholic, and he will make decisions based on cassette tapes from his mom. OH CRAP...

2) We are the resistance. Ummm...how is it even fair that you are just lumping us into that category with you Mr. Bale? Last time I checked you were all holed up at some fort with jet planes and Common, while most of us normal people seemed to be walking around in the desert with shotguns and baseball bats. Yeah the robots suck and all but can we at least get some grenades or something. Which leads into the next point...

3) In the future we are all going to have guns. We will all know how to use these guns. I'm assuming we will loot our local Wal-Marts and gun depots shortly after the machine uprisings, but it wasn't exactly clear.

4) Uhhh...did Christian Bale just dive down to a submarine and board it underwater? I know that isn't exactly about our future but did anyone else just see that? What?!?! Are you kidding me...What is going on?

5) In the future Christian Bale reveals his identity as Aquaman!!! No? Are you sure? Well I mean...but...

6) In the future it's totally cool to cuddle with convicted criminals as long as it is just for "Body Heat", they're part robot, and they're really from the past? That didn't make sense...Anyways....

7) In the future there will be lots of random fires and sparks while it is simultaneously raining. How is this possible you ask? Well, uh, hhmmmmm, don't ask questions!

8) In the future carrots and potatoes will be easy to grow in all climates and great to share with your post apocalyptic friends.

9) In the future human hearts will be interchangeable and the operation can be performed in the middle of nowhere.

10) Last but not least, robots will build other super robots, but when fighting humans they will not simply kill them. Oh no, that would be lame. Robots will first throw the human they are fighting around, then walk very slowly over to the human giving the human plenty of time to dump lava on them.

Also...Why WAS there a giant tank of lava?? And ummm the robots are pervs...building an army of naked Arnolds...Freaking sick.

BP & KC

Man Rock, Genre or Lifestyle?

I walk in to V Bar and literally felt my shirt being pinned to my chest from the sheer volume of the song being played. “Men” in affliction shirts, fake tans, jeans with loud flashy embroidered back pocket designs, and freshly applied coats of L.A. Looks hair gel are singing loudly (no one could actually tell if they were singing loudly or not, due to the current pollution being pumped through the speakers). And to say the Girls wearing next to nothing were just being down right classless and un-lady like would be a terrible understatement. All of that to tell you, the song that could have definitely punctured my ear drum when walking in that night was none other than the instant “Man’ Rock” classic, “Lips of An Angel”.

What is “man’ rock” you ask? Man rock the genre once included such greats as Zeppelin, and Black Sabbath but has taken an awful left turn to bands such as Hinder, Nickleback, and Creed. But has it remained a genre and solely that?

My thoughts on this issue are as follows. No, the genre has not been able to remain just a genre; it has evolved into a full-blown lifestyle. Weather we choose to acknowledge it or not the “man’ rock” community is growing in numbers. Its popularity has breeched the boundaries of the jersey shore and spread like an STD in a Texas Tech Co-ed dormitory.

Here we use the word “man” in a very patronizing, talking down to, sort of way. Why? Because the type of “man” who choose to listen to this “music” has a very distorted view of what it is like to be a “man”. Some prime examples of these “men” could have been seen on the infamous TV show Growing Up Gotti. Like I mentioned before, these dudes are inches away from being downright fabulous. Some other things that go hand in hand with the “Man’ Rock Lover” are: barbed wire or thorn bicep tattoos, rice burner cars, under-glow on their rice burner car, “No Fear” stickers on the back of their rice burner cars, sunglasses at night, colored contacts, “candid” pictures, Italian flags, energy drinks (to fake intoxication?), little man syndrome aka napoleons complex, bedazzled denim, black wife beaters, light weight drinking, and last but not least…new haircuts (the Brooklyn Fade).

So in coming freshman be warned, college is a place where you can re invent yourself, make a whole new you. And if you find yourself singing along to the newest Stained album and smiling at the same time, you might want to take a good look at the guy in the mirror and figure out weather you are ok with the afore mentioned doushetacular qualities or not. My advice…don’t be that guy.

SR

Side note: If you love guidos as much as I do and would like to point and laugh for an extended period of time I suggest http://www.guidofistpump.com/

ZSJ's Artist of the Month- May

Tien (pronounced Teen) is May’s artist of the month. His inflection and conveyance of his music is similar to that of Amos Lee, Al Green and a masculine Norah Jones. Though searches for this Maryland-born talent will prove disconcerting, I think his time will soon come. His sound is too good not to. Until then, enjoy this video and check out his website: http://www.tien-music.com/

Ps. Sorry about the quality of his video.

-ZSJ

The Final Word On Finals

The end of the semester is upon us, and college students everywhere are crying about finals. For me, this time is a time of celebration. You get almost a whole week off and all that is in between you and summer is a couple of tests. So don't waste your time posting those dumb facebook statuses telling everybody how many finals you have and how you can't wait for them to be over with. How about you spend that time studying so you don't have to pull an all-nighter? But then you wouldn't get to brag to everybody who will listen to you about how you've been awake for the last 84 hours and how you've finished an entire pallet of redbulls. So nevermind. Do you learn anything at 4 a.m. all hopped up on caffeine? Probably Not. Is that extra study time going to completely change your final grade? I don't think so. Do I like asking a bunch of questions in a row like this? Absolutely.

Here's my point. Most final exams are worth around 20% of your final grade. If you're making around an 80, you can make around a 30 on the final and still pass the class. Making a 30 is like filling in the letter C straight down your scantron. Some people might point out that this technique would hurt your G.P.A. This is very true, but who cares about G.P.A. These are the only reasons you would need a good G.P.A: you are trying to transfer into a school/program, you have to make a certain G.P.A. to keep a scholarship, or you could potentially make it onto the Dean's list or something important like that. I don't think my future employer will care what grade I made in Physics, and I'm sure everyone else out there has to take classes they will never use in real life. The only reason I can think of using physics is to calculate the angular velocity I need to kick my leg in order roundhouse the creator of the saying "FML" in the face.

So students out there, don't freak out. Study hard for the important/difficult finals and don't fret about the rest. Don't waste your life pulling all-nighters and complaining about tests, because in the end it isn't worth it. Especially don't blow off the entire semester and whine about how you have to make a 100 to pass. No one feels bad for you.

If you like this post or would like to argue about any of my points, feel free to comment. Also, I was bored one day and made nudeawakening a twitter account at twitter.com/nudeawakening so make sure to become followers. We will try to update you with new blog posts, clever comments, and funny links.

KC

Side Note

I would like to take this opportunity to share how much I hate the saying "FML." It is possibly the most retarded fad saying since the extremely overused,"Epic." First of all, what does "F*** my life" mean? Not only is it vulgar, but it is also nonsensical. Double Whammy! Also, anybody who has the slightest inconvenience in their life feels the need to slap FML to the end of their whining. "OMG I spilled my 32 oz. Monster on my Affliction shirt and Ed Hardy jeans. FML!" Spreading this saying into every college students' vocabulary wasn't enough, now there's an entire site devoted to FML at the aptly named FMyLife.com. At FMyLife.com, morons all around the world share their idiotic, and often fabricated stories, about embarrassing moments in their life. If these moments are so embarrassing, why are you bragging about them? So please people, enough with FML. No one cares and you just end up sounding stupid.