Man Rock, Genre or Lifestyle?

I walk in to V Bar and literally felt my shirt being pinned to my chest from the sheer volume of the song being played. “Men” in affliction shirts, fake tans, jeans with loud flashy embroidered back pocket designs, and freshly applied coats of L.A. Looks hair gel are singing loudly (no one could actually tell if they were singing loudly or not, due to the current pollution being pumped through the speakers). And to say the Girls wearing next to nothing were just being down right classless and un-lady like would be a terrible understatement. All of that to tell you, the song that could have definitely punctured my ear drum when walking in that night was none other than the instant “Man’ Rock” classic, “Lips of An Angel”.

What is “man’ rock” you ask? Man rock the genre once included such greats as Zeppelin, and Black Sabbath but has taken an awful left turn to bands such as Hinder, Nickleback, and Creed. But has it remained a genre and solely that?

My thoughts on this issue are as follows. No, the genre has not been able to remain just a genre; it has evolved into a full-blown lifestyle. Weather we choose to acknowledge it or not the “man’ rock” community is growing in numbers. Its popularity has breeched the boundaries of the jersey shore and spread like an STD in a Texas Tech Co-ed dormitory.

Here we use the word “man” in a very patronizing, talking down to, sort of way. Why? Because the type of “man” who choose to listen to this “music” has a very distorted view of what it is like to be a “man”. Some prime examples of these “men” could have been seen on the infamous TV show Growing Up Gotti. Like I mentioned before, these dudes are inches away from being downright fabulous. Some other things that go hand in hand with the “Man’ Rock Lover” are: barbed wire or thorn bicep tattoos, rice burner cars, under-glow on their rice burner car, “No Fear” stickers on the back of their rice burner cars, sunglasses at night, colored contacts, “candid” pictures, Italian flags, energy drinks (to fake intoxication?), little man syndrome aka napoleons complex, bedazzled denim, black wife beaters, light weight drinking, and last but not least…new haircuts (the Brooklyn Fade).

So in coming freshman be warned, college is a place where you can re invent yourself, make a whole new you. And if you find yourself singing along to the newest Stained album and smiling at the same time, you might want to take a good look at the guy in the mirror and figure out weather you are ok with the afore mentioned doushetacular qualities or not. My advice…don’t be that guy.

SR

Side note: If you love guidos as much as I do and would like to point and laugh for an extended period of time I suggest http://www.guidofistpump.com/

ZSJ's Artist of the Month- May

Tien (pronounced Teen) is May’s artist of the month. His inflection and conveyance of his music is similar to that of Amos Lee, Al Green and a masculine Norah Jones. Though searches for this Maryland-born talent will prove disconcerting, I think his time will soon come. His sound is too good not to. Until then, enjoy this video and check out his website: http://www.tien-music.com/

Ps. Sorry about the quality of his video.

-ZSJ

The Final Word On Finals

The end of the semester is upon us, and college students everywhere are crying about finals. For me, this time is a time of celebration. You get almost a whole week off and all that is in between you and summer is a couple of tests. So don't waste your time posting those dumb facebook statuses telling everybody how many finals you have and how you can't wait for them to be over with. How about you spend that time studying so you don't have to pull an all-nighter? But then you wouldn't get to brag to everybody who will listen to you about how you've been awake for the last 84 hours and how you've finished an entire pallet of redbulls. So nevermind. Do you learn anything at 4 a.m. all hopped up on caffeine? Probably Not. Is that extra study time going to completely change your final grade? I don't think so. Do I like asking a bunch of questions in a row like this? Absolutely.

Here's my point. Most final exams are worth around 20% of your final grade. If you're making around an 80, you can make around a 30 on the final and still pass the class. Making a 30 is like filling in the letter C straight down your scantron. Some people might point out that this technique would hurt your G.P.A. This is very true, but who cares about G.P.A. These are the only reasons you would need a good G.P.A: you are trying to transfer into a school/program, you have to make a certain G.P.A. to keep a scholarship, or you could potentially make it onto the Dean's list or something important like that. I don't think my future employer will care what grade I made in Physics, and I'm sure everyone else out there has to take classes they will never use in real life. The only reason I can think of using physics is to calculate the angular velocity I need to kick my leg in order roundhouse the creator of the saying "FML" in the face.

So students out there, don't freak out. Study hard for the important/difficult finals and don't fret about the rest. Don't waste your life pulling all-nighters and complaining about tests, because in the end it isn't worth it. Especially don't blow off the entire semester and whine about how you have to make a 100 to pass. No one feels bad for you.

If you like this post or would like to argue about any of my points, feel free to comment. Also, I was bored one day and made nudeawakening a twitter account at twitter.com/nudeawakening so make sure to become followers. We will try to update you with new blog posts, clever comments, and funny links.

KC

Side Note

I would like to take this opportunity to share how much I hate the saying "FML." It is possibly the most retarded fad saying since the extremely overused,"Epic." First of all, what does "F*** my life" mean? Not only is it vulgar, but it is also nonsensical. Double Whammy! Also, anybody who has the slightest inconvenience in their life feels the need to slap FML to the end of their whining. "OMG I spilled my 32 oz. Monster on my Affliction shirt and Ed Hardy jeans. FML!" Spreading this saying into every college students' vocabulary wasn't enough, now there's an entire site devoted to FML at the aptly named FMyLife.com. At FMyLife.com, morons all around the world share their idiotic, and often fabricated stories, about embarrassing moments in their life. If these moments are so embarrassing, why are you bragging about them? So please people, enough with FML. No one cares and you just end up sounding stupid.

Quick Thought

Is it a good thing or a bad thing that your ex girlfriend/boyfriends' new boyfriend/girlfriend is ugly?

KC

THIS JUST IN - SWINE FLU NEWS UPDATE

Swine Flu. Think about the number of people that die every year from swallowing a pillow case. Now multiply that number by 200. That is the kind of toll swine flue has taken on the world population. Imagine the most lethal animal in the world, if you pictured a sugar glider than in essence you grasped the ferocity of the Swine Flu. Try to describe the most terrifying nightmare you have ever had, if you described a dream where you drive to Chik-fil-a only to discover that it is Sunday and thus closed then guess what, Swine Flu is equally as horrifying. So then, what is swine flu? Basically, and this is straight from the WHO so it could be a bit graphic, Swine Flu is the experience of flu like symptoms including fever, cough, headache, muscle and joint pain, sore throat and runny nose, and sometimes vomiting or diarrhoea. In some extreme cases the victim will experience re-animation upon death (NOTE: There is no proof of this, merely the expressed fear of a polite man named Larry whom I found digging in the dumpster behind my apartment). In general, WHAT THE HECK MEXICO! Yeah, I'm totally pissed off that something like this sprung up just south of the border without anyone stopping it, thats super gay guys, geez!

So what does this all mean? It means be cool, relax, because the last thing we need is to start panicking and freaking each other out. Whats that? The WHO just raised this to a level 5 pandemic? Possibly a level 6? OH $%#@!!! Okay, oh my goodness, OMG, we have to remain level headed. At least there are vaccines we can get to immunize our bodies against this violent plague. ummmm you are *$#@ing me right?! Why are we not looting Best Buys? Why hasn't the government been parachuting canned goods into my neighborhood? Listen to me America, we can get through this together. Remember that time when Taco Bell discontinued the Cheezy Gordita Crunch and you were all like, what? eff this? are they serious? Taco Bell sucks! Well we got through that, and we can get through this.

I recently sought out advice from an entity other than WHO, hoping to get a "second" opinion. So I went to my good friend Curtis who has had the flu at least a dozen times according to himself, and tends to regularly get other sorts of "nasty" infections. Curtis told me that there is nothing to worry about, that in the US tens of thousands die from the flu every year, and so far this new flu is not nearly so severe. When asked about the possibility of re-animation, Curtis merely shrugged his shoulders and made the hand motion of masturbation. "You seem confident I said". He replied, "dude, relax, swine flu sounds scary because there is no cure for it. But I mean, if I told you we couldn't cure your cold, that you had to wait a few days to get better would you freak out?" I said no, but I wasn't quite sure what he was getting at. Geez, Curtis is such a douche bag sometimes.

BP

Carlson's Theory of Cuteness Relativity (CTCR)

Have you ever been sitting in a class and wondered how cute the girl across the room is? Well, through many hours of not paying attention in class, I have found out that several factors contribute to how cute a girl is perceived. These factors are: the school you are attending, the class you are in, and what time that class is.

First off, the school you are attending makes a world of difference. If you go to Texas Tech, it is highly likely that the girl across the room is carrying some sort of STD, an unnatural hair color, and is nursing a hangover. Therefore, they are probably not cute. Now if you attend a school such as Baylor, that girl across the room is most definitely cute. In fact you're surrounded by cute girls, unfortunately you are gay because you go to Baylor. Schools with a high cute girl population: A&M, UT, Blinn (a surprising amount), Samford (according to Spence),almost all SEC schools, and most California schools. Schools with low cute girl population: UNT, Texas Tech, North Eastern schools, and all Ivy league schools besides Cornell (according to the Nard Dawg.)

Next, the class you are in plays a big role in how cute you perceive a girl to be. If you are in say, an Engineering class (if any girls are in that class), there is a large chance that girl is unattractive. Note: She is probably the only girl in that class, making her look hot in comparison to the 90 nerds surrounding her. On the other hand, if you are in an English class there are probably lots of cute girls. So if you put that girl from Engineering in your English class, she will look way less attractive then when she was in a classroom full of dudes.

Lastly, the time of the class could change how a girl shows up to that class. If you are attending an 8 o'clock, girls will most likely not be wearing makeup and will probably be wearing a hat or something. This could very easily trick you into thinking that the girl is unattractive and maybe even a lesbian. Now if you are attending an evening class, girls probably have put on some makeup and possibly have dressed up a bit. This could make the girl better looking than she actually is.

Now I know there are exceptions to this theory, like if Jessica Alba were to take an Engineering class or an STD free girl at Tech (far fetched, I know). So if you have any complaints, or any suggestions for my theory feel free to comment.

KC