A Commentary on the Children's Book Twilight

So, you are a fan of Twilight? The books, the movies, the action figures, you eat it all up. Have you ever stopped to ask yourself why? You know, why am I reading a book about teenage vampires? Why am I waiting in line at midnight to see the premiere of a movie that received 2 stars across the board? Why am I marking on my calendar the date of the next movie installment in the series? If you answer, "because I am a 13 year old girl" then carry on, enjoy the ride, enjoy the read. BUT, if you are my unnamed friend, then please, think long and hard about the path your life is taking. I mean come on! A soap opera about vampires...really? Just go watch One Tree Hill instead. It has all the teenage angst and drama without the vampires. Oh and without the homosexual vibe. Actually scratch that...Don't watch that either. Yeah, vampires can be cool. Vampire movies can be pretty awesome. But not when the plot resembles "The Notebook". Go see "Let the Right One In", THAT is a great vampire movie.

So now I have insulted you. Don't be mad. This is merely one person's humble opinion. I know, I know. What are you going to do about the "Twilight" shirt you just bought at Target? Well yeah, that is a difficult decision. Assuming you are not 13 years old, you should probably stop wearing it. It isn't dark and edgy, it isn't relative pop culture, it is a giant "Hey, I would like for you to talk sh** about me behind my back" sign.

It is okay to enjoy the books and the movies. That is fine. But don't let yourself be sucked into believing you are part of a literary revolution, a witness to the dawn of the next great fantasy series.

Sorry for hating.

BP

The Future, According to Terminator

1) Christian Bale will be our only hope. He will talk like a chain smoker, he will shout like a raging alcoholic, and he will make decisions based on cassette tapes from his mom. OH CRAP...

2) We are the resistance. Ummm...how is it even fair that you are just lumping us into that category with you Mr. Bale? Last time I checked you were all holed up at some fort with jet planes and Common, while most of us normal people seemed to be walking around in the desert with shotguns and baseball bats. Yeah the robots suck and all but can we at least get some grenades or something. Which leads into the next point...

3) In the future we are all going to have guns. We will all know how to use these guns. I'm assuming we will loot our local Wal-Marts and gun depots shortly after the machine uprisings, but it wasn't exactly clear.

4) Uhhh...did Christian Bale just dive down to a submarine and board it underwater? I know that isn't exactly about our future but did anyone else just see that? What?!?! Are you kidding me...What is going on?

5) In the future Christian Bale reveals his identity as Aquaman!!! No? Are you sure? Well I mean...but...

6) In the future it's totally cool to cuddle with convicted criminals as long as it is just for "Body Heat", they're part robot, and they're really from the past? That didn't make sense...Anyways....

7) In the future there will be lots of random fires and sparks while it is simultaneously raining. How is this possible you ask? Well, uh, hhmmmmm, don't ask questions!

8) In the future carrots and potatoes will be easy to grow in all climates and great to share with your post apocalyptic friends.

9) In the future human hearts will be interchangeable and the operation can be performed in the middle of nowhere.

10) Last but not least, robots will build other super robots, but when fighting humans they will not simply kill them. Oh no, that would be lame. Robots will first throw the human they are fighting around, then walk very slowly over to the human giving the human plenty of time to dump lava on them.

Also...Why WAS there a giant tank of lava?? And ummm the robots are pervs...building an army of naked Arnolds...Freaking sick.

BP & KC